Well, bye.

While talking on the phone with Kenley...

Me: "What else did you do today?"
Kenley: "Well, bye!"

Wipe my nose.

Kenley: *waving finger at me* "I need to wipe my nose real quick."
Me: "No, stay out of the wipes. Leave the wipes alone."
Kenley: "Serious? You need to go to bed."

Don't mess.

Me: "Pick up your crayons, please."
Kenley: "Don't mess with me!"

Microphone.

Kenley: "Daddy! Daddy! Did you see my microphone?"
Daddy: "No, what microphone?"
Kenley: "Did you see my microphone?"
Daddy: "No...?"
Kenley: "In the toilet!"
*Daddy rushes to the bathroom, expecting to find her toy microphone in the toilet...*
Kenley: *points in bowl at a turd that looks like a microphone* "Look! It's my turd microphone!"

Cat food.

Me, dripping with sarcasm while holding a box of cat food...

Me: "Mmmmm, for me??"
Kenley: "That not for you, that for the kee-kats!"

Not happy.

In response to me taking the decorations off of the Christmas tree...

"Why you doin' that? You wreckin' my tree! I'm not gonna be very happy!"

Tootsie Roll.

*Kenley finishes opening up gifts*
Me: "So what's your favorite thing, Kenley?"
Kenley: *mouth full* "A Tootsie Roll!"

Merry Christmas.

Me: "Tell everyone 'Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!'"
Kenley: "Merry Christmas everyone! Go to bed!"

Kenley thing.

*Kenley unwraps gift*
Grandma: "Wow, Kenley, what is it?"
Kenley: "It's a... Kenley thing!"

Crazy.

"Oooooooh! That dog'sa gonna make me crazy! He is!"

Lunch time.

Daddy: "Here you go, here's your lunch right there."
Kenley: "I gotta go pee and poop first."

Farted.

 While in the bath tub...

"I farted! I maked bubbles!"

Fwosty.

*Looks in the toilet after pooping*

"There's Fwosty the Snowman in there!"

Hot dog.

Daddy: "Kenley, what do you want for breakfast?"

No reply from Kenley, so Daddy continues with what he was doing. Enter Kenley to deposit a package of hot dogs and a bottle of ketchup and mustard on his lap.

Not a good idea.

Me: "What do you think, Kenley? I think we should put music on and clean."
Kenley: "No! No! That's not a good idea!!"

Jammin'.

In response to me putting music on...

"We're jammin' now!"

What's Goin' On.

 In response to her movie skipping...

"What's goin' on here?"

Broken Arms.

Kenley: "Will you read this to me, Mom?"
Me: "Why don't you read it to me?"
Kenley: "I can't. I got broken arms."

Poke.

Me: "Why's your sister crying?"
Kenley: "I poke her in the eye."

Diggin'

"What are ya diggin' in there for?"

Stealin' That.

Kenley: "You're stealing that from me."
Me: "Yup."
Kenley: "I'm gettin' mad."

Packers.

Me: "Come on, Kenley, it's bed time."
Kenley: "I'm comin'. I'm gonna watch the Packers for a minute."

Tickles.

Me: "What are you digging in your butt for?"
Kenley: "Because it tickles."

Call Santa.

Kenley hands me the phone...

Kenley: "You gotta call Santa."
Me: "Why?"
Kenley: "Tell him I want a Pillow Pet."

Safely.

*trying to climb up the side of my chair*

"I can't get up here safely.  You gotta help me, Mom."

Hot Dog.

Kenley: "I want a hot dog."
Me: "You want a hot dog for breakfast?"
Kenley: "No, I want it in my hand."

Booger Mouth.

*incomprehensible crying from back seat*
Me: "What are you crying about, Kenley?"
Kenley: *over-tired dramatic crying*
"I got a booger in my mouth!!"

Grubby.

"Me take a shower?  I'm grubby."

Birthday Lickins.

Me: "You know, it was Daddy's birthday.  Did you tell him 'Happy Birthday' lots?"
Kenley: "And give him birthday lickins?"
Me: "Yeah, go give him some birthday lickins. I bet he'd like that."
*Kenley runs up to Daddy and licks the back of his pants a couple of times*
Me: "Nooo!  You don't actually lick him!  A lickin' is a spanking on the butt!!"
Kenley: "Oh." *spanks Daddy's butt*

Burp Me.

*Kenley lays down on belly on couch*

"Dad, burp me."
*Daddy pats her back*
"Burrrrp. Burp me 'gain!"
*Daddy pats her back*
"Buurrrp."

P-U.

After we pass by a dead skunk on the road...

"That smell good! No, P-U! That stinks."

Man Cave.

"The fwigerator!  The one in Grandpa's man cave!"

Broken Legs.

"Dad, you gotta help me! I got broken legs!"

Pee Run.

"I need to pee.  I need to run."

That Dog.

Me: "Bruno, get out of my face! What do you want?"
Kenley: "Ugh. That dog."

Huh.

Me: "Put that back, please, it's expensive."
Kenley: "Huh?"
Me: "You heard me, quit with the 'huh'."
Kenley: "That a bad word?"
Me: "No, it's not a bad word, I'm just tired of you saying it."
Kenley: "Huh?"

MOM.

Kenley: "Mom.  Mom.  Mama.  MOM!!"
Me: "Yes, Kenley?"
Kenley: "Hi."
Me: "Is that all you wanted with all that yelling?"
Kenley: "Yup."

Mermaid.

Daddy is helping Kenley get dressed and accidentally puts both of her legs in the same leg of her pants...

"I'm a mermaid!"

Christmas List.

Kenley looking at Target's Christmas toy ad...

"I want this from Christmas. And this from Christmas. I want this from Christmas, too."

Kickin' It.

"I kick you in the ass!"

Cuppy.

"I can't find my cuppy.  I'm sad, so sad."

Dog.

Standing on the back of the couch watching the dog outside...

"Who let the dogs out, who who?"

Poop Outside.

Me to the dog: "You need to go outside or what?"
Kenley: "I need to go poop outside."

Hangin' Out.

Kenley: "Whatchu doin', Mom?"
Me: "Trying to clean up.  What are you doing?"
Kenley: "Hangin' out."

I'm Done.

"DAD!  I'M DONE!  COME WIPE MY BUTT!  I POOPED!"

Butt.

 *Fishes around in pants*

"Let me look in my butt, mom.  There's a boo boo in there.  Let me look in there with my hand."

Boss.

Me: "Pick up that blanket.  Now."
Kenley: "Okay, boss."

Birthday.

Me: "When's Kenley's birthday?"
Kenley: "Kenley who?"

Moves.

While singing and dancing around with a stuffed Tigger...


"I got the moves like Tigger.  Got the moves like Tigger."

Patience.

"I need to go lay on the floor.  I'm losin' my patience."

Kiss This.

"Oh, I feel better now.  You want to kiss my butt, Mama?"

Over It.

"Take my shoes off, Dad.  I'm sick'a dis."

Car Boo Boo.

"If you get hit by a car, you get a boo boo."

football.

Kenley's protest as Daddy hauls her away from the TVs at the baby shower...

"I want to watch football!!"

Bad Word.

Kenley: "I say almost a bad word."
Me: "And what was that?"
Kenley: "Oh, damn it."

Crocodile Shoeses.

 In reference to my Crocs...

"Whatchu gonna do with them shoeses?  Those crocodile shoeses?"

Counting Up An Appetite.

Kenley & I counting...

"Nine, ten, eleven..."
Me: "...twelve.  What comes after twelve?"
Kenley: "I'm hungry!"

Breakfast of Champions.

"I eat the booger."

Honker.

 After Daddy helps her blow her nose...

"I blow my honker."

Pooped.

After using the potty...

"Empty my poop, dad."

Naughty Girl.

"I'm not a naughty girl. Not like NeNe."

Scratch My Back.

*I scratch Kenley's back*
Kenley: "Under my shirt, mama."
*Scratches under Kenley's shirt*
Kenley: *Scrunches eyes closed*  "Ahhhhh."

Boobies.

Kenley "Boobies is big."
Me: "Whose?"
Kenley: "Your boobies, mom."

Baby Belly.

Following an explanation of a baby shower...

Kenley: "I got a baby in my belly."
Me: "Oh yeah?  How'd you get a baby in your belly?"
Kenley: "Daddy."

Old Lady.

"You're an old lady, mom."

Oh Boy.

"Dad's not a kid, he's a boy!  And I'm a girl!"

Whatever.

Me: "Get upstairs."
Kenley:  "Huh?"
Me: "Get upstairs!"
Kenley: "WHATever."

I Got You.

Kenley dashing in to her room with a clothespin:

"I got you, I got you!  Yes, siree bob!"

Naked.

Kenley: "You're not naked, daddy."
Husband: "No, I'm not naked."
Kenley: "I'm naked!"

Ahh, Fweak Out.

Kenley to Daddy:

"Mama's gonna fweak out."

Poop.

"I got dog poop.  You gotta take my shoes off!!"

Dancin' Bones.

Kenley: "Mom, you got the puter?" (puter = computer)
Me: "Yup."
Kenley: "You can't have the puter!"
Me: "Why not?"
Kenley: "Daddy needs to have the puter."
Me: "He does, hey?"
Kenley: "We gotta listen to 'Dancin' Bones'!!"

Noggin.

"I felled on my noggin."

Breast is Best.

Kenley lifts up her shirt, applies her Dora doll to her chest and says, "you need my booby?"

Boob Diaper.

*Kenley hands me a nursing pad*

"Here, mommy.  Here's a diaper for your booby."

Boob Feeds.

Kenley: "I gotta go potty."
Me: "Hurry up, your sister's hungry."
Kenley: "You gonna feed sister Adley with your boob?"

Marker Bruise.

My inquiry in to a small mark on Kenley's face leads to this conversation:

Me: "Is that a boo boo on your face?"
Kenley: "No."
Me: "Then what is it?"
Kenley: "I color on myself."
Me: "You did, hey?"
Kenley: "Yeah."
Me: "What'd you color on yourself with?"
Kenley: "A marker."
Me: "Oh yeah? What color."
Kenley: "Pink."
Me: "Where'd you get a pink marker from?"
Kenley: "The box."
Me: "And where's the box?"
Kenley: "In the kitchen."
Me: "So you colored on your face with a pink marker that you found in a box in the kitchen?"
Kenley: "Yup."
Me: "When did you do that?"
Kenley: "Because."
Me: "No, not 'why', when?"
Kenley: *scrunches up face* "Because."

---

Husband: "Did you see Kenley's bruise on her face?"
Me: "Yeah, I did see that. She said she colored on it with pink marker."
Husband: "No, I accidentally bumped in to her with the vacuum while I was vacuuming."

Twee Turd.

Kenley comes screaming through the kitchen en route to the potty...

"I gotta go poop, Gwamps!"

I'm in the bathroom getting ready to wipe her butt, and she turns around and looks in the toilet:

Kenley: "I poop a man turd."
Me: "Oh, you did, hey?"
Kenley: "No, I poop a twee turd."
Me: "A tree turd? Does it look like a tree?"
Kenley: "Yup."
Exits bathroom.

(It did kinda look like a twee tree.)

Booger.

I'm in the basement doing laundry, when I hear Kenley yell down the steps:

"MOM!?  YOU WANT TO COME GET THIS BOOGER?!"

911.

Kenley: "I want a bean."
Daddy: "You're not gonna like 'em, they're spicy."
Kenley: *takes bean, chews, swallows, then furiously bats at tongue*
Daddy: "See? I told ya. They're hot."
Kenley: "I gotta go to the hospital."

Man Turd.

"I pooped a man turd."